numb means I can't feel anything.

wouldn't it be nice to never grow old. to never have aches and pains, get fat or wrinkled, stressed out or sad? well that's not real life and the things i do like about life in general is that it presents opportunities and you will win some and lose some. oh, and we only have so long to get it right. since i was a kid i've always thought of 2 people. ritchie valens and buddy holly. i am a fan, yes. but buddy holly always told his dad he knew he would die young and yet ritchie finds his voice, his women and his way and dies young anyway. did one embrace death vs the other. we'll never know. when i was a teen into my early 20's i used to think i would die young. i was almost certain it would be doing something glorious like sky diving or sword fighting. i also didn't think my family would have missed me much. now that i'm grown with a family of my own, i want to live forever. and the scary part is i feel my body revolting against me. and it makes me wonder whats going on that i don't have answers to? i've been numb almost everyday now and and some days my motor skills are affected. there are days when it's difficult to complete thoughts and sentences let alone work. my patience is running low and i'm so easily agitated it's no wonder i can't wait to go to bed, it's the only time when my minds at ease. u of m was kind enough to make me an appt for AUGUST 2ND (no urgency there huh?) so i will suck it up in the meantime.
on the bright side, we head to florida soon and i'm looking forward to decompressing and basking in the sunlight with my family.
knowing that i'll get answers eventually helps, but in the meantime so does liquor.
i certainly feel for those without health insurance or a doctor to take care of them. but if someone would escort me to the front of the line that would be ok too.